his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
