Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
