I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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