Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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