Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
