I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
OPIZZABONMYDICK
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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