i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
