so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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