Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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