Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she smelled like a LAN party
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
