I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
