Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
