Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I know her cup size but not her name....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
