so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
