gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
