You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
