I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
