I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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