I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
