My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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