So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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