i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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