Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
