dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
