I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
