I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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