I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
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