I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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