ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
