help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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