What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
