There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
