Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
