Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
