OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
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just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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