Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
