Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
PANTIES FOUND
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