Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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