in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
