this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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