I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
