I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
