in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
