I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
