He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize