I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
