I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
