And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
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Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize