He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
