I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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