omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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