New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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