i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
