Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
