Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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