Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
