I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
