The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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