So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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