Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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