Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
