You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
