the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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