I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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