YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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