2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
