I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize