I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
