i just had sex bonerless
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
