just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
