mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
