Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
