Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
