I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
