I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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