Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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